The Amsterdam conference has come and gone. I don't currently have a pressing project that needs results, nor a presentation that needs inspiration, nor an assignment that is pushing me forward. At work, I'm stagnant. How am I to contribute now?

In a way, all of my research thus far has been smaller projects that mainly exist for my own learning. For the first year in this field, I produced light curves and energy spectra and tried my hand at model fitting, all for the sake of “getting a feel” for what the research is. None of those results were ever discussed nor published; most of them were deleted due to various moves from computer to computer. This was no great loss, since the real result was my learning experience, and with that experience came the ability to recreate those results very quickly if I ever need to.

Last summer, I started up the timing study, creating power density spectra to search for a specific phenomena. That eventually led me to a clear purpose: peer-presented results in poster form. It was a null result, we didn't find much worth discussing, but it was important to present anyway to say we tried and are still trying. I continue to search GRBs as they are detected, which occurs infrequently these days, but more and more this feels like it should become a side project, making way for a larger, more important task.

But what is the larger, more important task? What am I doing now? I am still analyzing Swift GRBs, but to what end? Why am I doing this? Is there something I'm working towards? I'm wrapping up my second semester as a graduate student; am I yet at that point where I need to make my own research decisions and goals? Someone asked me last week what my dissertation topic is; should I be deciding already?

Or should I be stepping back, like I have been? Final exams are next week, and I need to focus on studying. After finals, there will be only eight months until the dreaded comprehensive exam, the exam I need to pass in order to obtain a master's degree and continue on in the Ph.D. program. Several people have recommended I focus on studying for that all-important exam above researching.

I also feel like the timing study isn't ready to be put on the back-burner. There are still improvements to be made in our method, and many things I have yet to learn about what I'm looking for and how I expect to see whatever it is I'm trying to see. I don't know how to make those improvements, I don't know who to ask to help me, and I don't know if I should throw myself into that project right now when a) it's not time-sensitive, b) other responsibilities (such as studying for final exams) are time-sensitive, and c) I don't know if the possible improvements will be worth it.

I'm still only a beginner. I need guidance. I need others to help me see the bigger picture when I'm too short to have a clear view. I don't need to have a dissertation topic right now, but I need to know I'm heading in that direction. If I'm shown a path, I will walk it.