I think too much when I’m lying in bed knowing that I need to go to sleep. Tonight I’m thinking of how exhausted I am, and how I can’t wait until the semester is over. However, the reminder that the semester is actually almost over points me to how little I’ve accomplished this semester research-wise.

Perhaps I expect too much of myself too quickly. After all, it took me three months of 35 hours a week to model a few afterglow profiles this summer. Should I really be surprised that with a quarter of the time dedication, my progress drops substantially?

The more I think about it, the more I’m dissatisfied with my research proposal for NSF. It was good for a last-minute effort, but it need to be rewritten.

I’ve always been one to want to plan my whole life. I created this blog with the anticipation of a future need for it. I wrote that research proposal trying to anticipate what I’ll be doing for the next two and a half years or so at least (could be 5+ years, depending). But it lacks structure and purpose.

What is my overall goal? What is a question that I want to answer? What I really want is a thesis, but I’m not even in grad school yet (or have even applied yet, but that’s a different story).

I think it is definitely beneficial for me to learn many different things and experience many different kinds of research at this point. But without a real goal, I’m always just dipping a toe into the swimming pool. Right now I have the goal of learning timing analysis to study 4U0142+61, which is good because it’s helping me to focus, but it’s a short term goal. What is the overall purpose of my research? Until I figure that out and begin working toward that purpose, I’m researching aimlessly.